My hair reeks of homosexuality.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
