I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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