You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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