nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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