I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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