either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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