Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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