you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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