mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
