You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
