you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
