I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where did you get a picture of my penis
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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