i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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