The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
