Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
