we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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