Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
