I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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