Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
