I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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