just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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