16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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