I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
