I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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