The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
