you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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