It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
either way he was missing a nipple.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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