Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
