i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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