if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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