Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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