i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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