He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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