i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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