Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
where are my eyebrows?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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