I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
