i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize