i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
