I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
