I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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