if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
