Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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