Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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