I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is my gift to your gina
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
