giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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