this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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