so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Banned from zoo.
Again?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
