He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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