someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
