hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Someone shit on the floor
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
