I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
