We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
