don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
