the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
should my penis look like a turkey
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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