Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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