FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
