Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
