He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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