Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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