This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
