hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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