The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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