But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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