yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
