We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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