She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
