She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
