your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
