Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
