I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize