Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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