apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think my vagina is haunted
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
