yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
