thus making me awesome and them whores
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
