Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
