I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
