I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
