im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
