it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
