the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
