Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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