If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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