Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?