Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
