I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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